So a while ago there was this Bad Witch, right?
Wait wait wait wait wait a second…
Did I say Bad Witch? I meant Evil Witch. Evil, like the opposite of Live, cause this person loved more the recording studio’s sessions, for some reason. Oh and, yeah, you got me right. This person. Do you think that all witches are female? Oh my Lord Jesus Christ, forgive us from our sins and deliver us from evil, what are you, a bigot??
Everybody nowadays knows that witches aren’t actually female only. They’re non-binary.
So, onto this story.
The Evil Witch was conniving her next Evil Deed. Wait, sure as hell I said her! This particular Witch happened to be actually female. Yeah, sometimes that happens too, you medieval chauvinist pig! I bet you are a male instead, aren’t you?
The Evil Deed consisted in giving birth to a very special Being. A Being that would incinerate the Earth with its madness and infinitely unstoppable power. This guy would in fact be a suffering being, the Prince (or Princess) of Pain, so to speak. He would be a being of tremendous suffering, a being who will suffer so much for the will of his own mother, that he would eventually accumulate inside enough energy to blow the entire planet out with a single, authoritative breath.
The world needed a Hero, and luckily for all, there was one. Enter the White Mage.
The White Mage was a white male, and as such he was very privileged. When he was younger he got access to all sorts of privileges that non-white non-males usually don’t get. While he was amassing potions and books in his white mansion with his white riches and white bitches (and all the colors of the rainbow, for good measure), all the other witches were just playing in the ghetto or knitting or some shit.
Oh, and he was also straight. Just for the record.
So, this Straight Cis White Mage’s magic skills were actually the best in the country. You could say they were supreme, so people just called him, the White Supremacist Mage.
He thought that was a little bit too much.
Hey hey hey hey hey… What? Like, I’m not actually racist at all, I just happened to be a Caucasian magical dude with a white dick. I know about all the controversies that are going ’round in the Kingdom and shit. Don’t wanna get too involved, my friends, you feel me? What about the Badass Mage? Huh? At least I’m fighting Evil, motherfuckers! Where’s your King now instead, huh? Probably tweeting from his fucking bunker?
Aight, anyway. Let’s get back to our lore for a second.
The White Mage was finally ready for battle. He ought to do something. By the way, he had a long white beard, and a calm look in his eyes. He was really cool, and everybody respected him. He even had a red hat and a red robe, and every kid wanted to be touched by him. Actually he was pretty gay.
No time for this though. The Evil Witch was just going to initiate the ritual!
So, well, what do you want me to say at this point, son. He went to the Witch’s house, and… Well. You know how this game goes. He did what he should do. He just, BLAM! Yeah, you betcha. He went there and, KABLOOM! Oh boy, he did. He collocated himself in the property where her residence was registered, and abruptly snapped out of his composure, all of a sudden and with a loud and unhingedly bizzare sound. JIBEEEEEEEEEEEEENGS! BITTY BOING! BITTY BOING BITTY PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUH….. ZAM. I don’t know if that’s a sound man, let’s go on with whatever we got here, we’re almost over.
He banged her. BANG!
By that I mean, he casted the Bang Spell onto her, and thus unequivocally unambiguously banged her in the Witch.
The rest, my dear Princes and Princesses, is fucking history.